If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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