I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
