It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
