I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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