you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
