Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize