Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
