Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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