Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
