Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
