I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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