wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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