there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize