This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
