yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
