Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize