My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize