Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
