look no pants
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize