she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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