If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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