You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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