Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize