Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
