But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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