you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
