No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
