Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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