Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
