Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize