I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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