My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize