You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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