2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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