Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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