32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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