At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
