note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
