hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
