See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
