You work out of a Hotel?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
