I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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