Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
