all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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