i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
