On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I cannot find my penis.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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