Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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