4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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