i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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