So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
