Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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