white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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