i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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