so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
