drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just googled if crying burns calories
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
