I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
