Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize