Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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