In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
