I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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