just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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