i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
