U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Randomize
