So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
