You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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