Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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