I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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